Love Handles

Most relationships don't fall apart all at once, work, stress, distraction. But revival doesn't usually come from fixing everything. It comes from laughter, curiosity, encouragement, and grace. Because love, Well, I had a, uh, sort of tough end of last year, my retina detached, and I ended up having to go, uh, get a procedure done. And so I did that. My wife drove me over there. I mean, I was gonna be put under and all that, uh, hopefully to correct and reattach the retina. Well, my wife, she's sweet, wonderful, and she is going to pray with me, pray for me before I'm about to go back under the knife, so to speak. And she prays, literally, she ends her prayer with an Lord, please give Doug a minimal recovery. Amen. I said, wait a minute. So, Lord, I'm praying for a complete, full and total recovery. I just wanna be clear right here. Well, she started laughing. I started like, she goes, no, I'm I, I meant like, I know what she meant. But you know, the, the power of laughter in a moment like that is, is really huge. As a matter of fact, um, as I did go back, I ended up, you know, praying with the doctor and before, you know, he was going to do his work. And I said, you know what? We, let's pray. And, and I said, I'm gonna pray this time. And I told him, I ratted her out. I said, 'cause she just prayed for a minimal recovery. So we're starting this series. We're gonna talk really about, uh, laughter, which is the universal language really. It's, it's a universal language that brings us together, this series, love handles. We're gonna talk, uh, really specifically about four practices that you can employ in your life. Now we're gonna talk about marriage, some, but this applies to you, uh, all of your relationships, your friendships. I really think that that laughter is one of the most overlooked things. And you know, the truth is, my wife and I have been married for 36 and a half years. Actually, studies, research shows that for couples that are over 35 years in marriage, there is the, the process of basically humor, laughter, and, uh, playfulness, if you will, that increases. That's part of the secret of the sauce. And so in this series, we'll talk about these four practices. We're beginning with laughter, and we're going to look at some wisdom, God's word through Solomon. Um, this is in Ecclesiastes chapter nine. Look with me in verses seven through nine. So Solomon, why is this man of the world? Um, he, it's what he asked God for. Well, that wisdom led him to wealth. I mean, he was the king. He had it all. He was able to live life to basically experiment and, and just figure it out. And it seems like that Ecclesiastes can be kind of bleak at times, but realize what he says here. Verse seven. Go eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart. For God has already approved what you do. Always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife whom you love. All the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun, all your meaningless days for this is your lot in life. And in your toilsome labor under the sun. Uh, ps Solomon is just being, you know, a realist. He's saying, look, life is hard. It's, it's normal. It's normal that your daily life is going to be filled with difficulty. So in light of that, enjoy it. Enjoy what you can in the moment. Get the most out of it. And here's the thing. God designed marriage to be a place of enjoyment, not just responsibility. He wants us to enjoy it. And I want you to understand what he's saying this, go eat your food with gladness. I mean, take joy in that. Um, drink your wine with a joyful heart. This idea of being clothed in white. Now, we don't understand that in our, um, cultural context, but really these are images. This being clothed in white, anointing your head with oil. It's, it's really look for opportunities for celebration, for refreshment and, and just care because we need that. It's how we survive. It is the medicine that will help us, you know, move forward. Um, Proverbs chapter 15, this is also wisdom that God gave us through. Solomon said this. He said, A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. God wants us to have a happy heart. Now, there's a difference. Some people say, oh, God just wants me to be happy. So, you know, regardless of what his word says, you know, that's not an excuse to just pursue things that are destructive and will hurt us. But he wants us to have joy. He wants us to be able to laugh with our spouse, laugh with our family. And this is why there's a lot of things that's gonna happen in life that can crush our spirit. And depending on the environment, um, of the relationships, the, the temperature of those, it can lead to a couple things. It can either open us up or sort of, you know, put us down. First of all, here's the power of laughter. I wanna encourage you, let laughter connect you. Let laughter connect you. Laughter has the ability to soften the heart, right? You laugh is just, it eases tension. You know, you, you're, you're, you're doing something. You're frustrated. But if you can laugh about it, when you come to a place where, you know, sometimes it's like it's better to choose laughter over tears. I want you to think about maybe your own personality. Think about again, the environment that you foster. It could be in your marriage with your kids, you know, your family, your home. I wanna show you sort of the comparison between an open spirit and a crushed spirit here. An open spirit. It's just, it's easy. It's easy to talk. You're, you know, it's okay to express yourself. Um, you feel comfortable with things. And so, you know, I can be honest, tactful, but honest about where I am, how, you know, what I think of this. And it's, it's basically an environment of safety. Um, approachable, you know, not intimidation, not where I'm, I'm scared to talk about something. I mean, you know how it is in relationships where you gotta, you know, just walk on eggshells and you're afraid, man, if I bring something up that's, you know, I, I risk, you know, the, the either the wrath or being shunned or given the silent treatment, the open spirit connects us. It's vulnerability. It is enjoying the moment. It's enjoying one another. And even look, even when, when hard things, difficult things are going on, still laughing in those moments, eases the tension, opens us up. A crushed spirit on the other of the hand is closed, fearful, you know, fearful of what I say, what I talk about, how someone's going to accept me, uh, how they're going to judge me. Very, very cautious. And that leads to withdrawal because you're just not trusting, um, defensive when someone brings something up. You know, just, just think about it a moment. What is your home like? Uh, the significant relationships you have, your, your marriage. Where do you kind of fit in that? See, laughter provides perspective in conflict, provides perspective. Uh, we look and turn to job in the Old Testament Job is an incredible book. Um, talks about a man who was not perfect, but was so righteous. Um, God in this story, he, he allows basically Satan to come at him, to attack him, to strip and almost tear everything away. Yet job remained faithful. But here's what God's word said, encouraged him. Chapter eight, verse 21, he meeting God will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Listen, I say that, and I want you to know that and, and see where these scriptures connect and, and how it relates. Because sometimes I think that we get the idea that to be a Christian to follow Jesus, we've gotta be oh, so serious all the time. Um, I don't know if you're member in history, you know what, like how the puritans were, you know, but a lot of times they see God, they see Christians as, you know, someone that is just so uptight and, you know, can't laugh for fear that you know, something bad sin is going to happen. And I just wanna encourage you, God wants you to laugh and God wants to provide that laughter. And you know, in a marriage relationship, we have a lot of latitude. We should have a lot of latitude in the context, depending on the context of the relationship. Lemme encourage you to create, secondly, an atmosphere of laughter in your home. I think this is so important. Um, you know, in my home growing up, my dad, he told jokes all the time. We teased, joked, it was, it was a home of laughter. My wife's her family of origin, not so much, you know, so you could imagine, um, my wife and I are really completely different personalities. All the tests we do, we show up kind of opposite each time. It's, it's a miracle. 36 plus years. I mean, it's a miracle. Let me just say that. But man, um, it's, you know, I, I don't know how people live without it. I, I don't know how you, you survive in the day to day in dealing with the hard stuff. And I, I again, want you to just think about the climate of your family. I, I told you that research shows that, you know, couples that where laughter increases, they stay together longer. Also, when adult children do, you do, you know, this research shows that adult children, if the home is more characterized by laughter, adult children will come home more to see you, to bring the, the grandkids. But if you're all uptight, worried about, you know, you know, something being dirty or something not in place, and, and all of that, and people feel judged, it's, that's not healthy. But in the home, the home should be a safe place. The home should be a refuge. It should be a place of laughter. Uh, why? Because laughter heals, laughter heals. You know, I think we're all looking for the magic supplement. You know, the drug that we can take, that man will make everything better. I'm just telling you, this is like, uh, the GLP one, uh, you know, of, of, of emotions. I guess. Look at Proverbs, chapter 17, verse 22. A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Yeah. How do you, how do you deal with difficult times? There's the power of laughter to be sort of this medicinal, um, salve, if you will, that that you put into the wounds that, that, that brings healing and time. And here's, here's the thing too. Think about the testimony of your family, uh, the testimony of your relationships. Laughter, testifies of God's blessings. You considered that? Have you thought about it? You know, do people look at me and look at my situation, my family? And again, I'm not talking about, you know, the certain particulars. Uh, people have gone through a loss, hardship, uh, you know, family members make bad choices at times and so forth. But what is really the, what holds it together? I, I would say that that laughter, there's something attractive where people want that, they wanna be a part of that they wanna, uh, emulate that they wanna somehow have that, you know, for themselves in the, uh, 126 Psalm, verse two, um, God's word says this concerning Paul, concerning really, the, the, the people of Israel says this, our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, the Lord has done great things for them, again, because the other nations saw the Jewish people, because they were laughing, because they were singing songs of joy, because they were having a good time. That was a powerful testimony to the one true God. And so I wanna encourage you, I think about how it's medicine. I, uh, you know, I, there, there's so much. Um, I, you know, our marriage pastor would disagree, but I've said that my love language, if you're familiar with those, is teasing. It's not officially one of them, but, you know, sometimes, you know, all marriages have difficulty. Get strained, get stressed. We tend to take it out on each other. And this is mundane. But Kim was gone and I said, Kim, I could not find, don't ask me why, but I was looking for sesame oil. And she said, well, it's in the Fri refrigerator. And I'm like, you know, we're on, I'm on the phone. I could not find it. I don't know what it is about the way. I don't know if it's you, other men are like this, but I have such difficulty in finding things in the kitchen. And my wife, she can go in there, put her hands on it just immediately. And it's really frustrating. But I say, Kim, it's not in there. I had to go to the store and buy it and bring it back. Well, she gets home and she said, why can't you couldn't find the sesame? I said, I bought some, I had to buy some, and I'm kind of agitated. And I said, you know, I just don't understand. It's like, why can't they just label things like in the refrigerator, you know, and like, you know, maybe pantry or whatever. So you could find stuff, all that, you know? And she goes right over there and she said, oh look, here it is. It's the old bottle of sesame oil, which there's plenty in it. It's right by the new bottle that you, you bought. And she said, and look, you talked about labeling. Look sesame oil. Well, that just diffused, it just diffused that whole moment. We both just started laughing. And that's what I'm, I'm, I'm hoping that in your relationships, you can get to, um, the third thing here, I would encourage you is choose laughter as a healthy strategy. Again, it's just, it's a great tool and life. Now there are limits, so you need to know the limits you. And I want to turn your attention to Ephesians chapter five in the New Testament, verse four. But we're gonna talk about context. Um, chapter five, verse four of Ephesians said, says, nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or course joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. You sure have been talking about the power of gratitude. So thanksgiving, gratitude that reigns. But please understand that this is not, you know, just anything. Some, some people are, are, are so judgmental, anything they hear, they look to be offended. And, and we sometimes too, if you're wired really to be a rule file or you get so concerned about all of this. But this has to do with context. For example, you know, a married couple in context, uh, what might be considered obscene in the context of intimacy. And I'm talking about, um, not what is unhealthy. I'm talking about healthy between, you know, a husband and wife. You know, you wouldn't talk or say some of the things necessarily that you would say in a different context in a room, you know, with men and women and a larger crowd. There are things that I and my wife should have open and honest communication about that are, you know, sort of very personal. We should keep 'em personal. I, I can be with a small group of friends that I know and trust, and sometimes we can joke and tease. And for those on the outside, it may be, you know, a little harsh, may seem to be a little coarse. But for that context, you know, it, it's, it's, okay. My my point is, what we've done a lot of times in the church is we've, we've sort of used this as an excuse to not laugh, to not, you know, how do you say it? Let your hair down in a healthy way. But again, there are limits. We need to know 'em. Um, and you know, you'll figure 'em out. I believe I've been accused of violating that many times over, but I'm a sinner. What can I say now? Justifying it. I'm just saying, I, I gotta figure it out. You know? Gotta, but laughter's important too, as a strategy in your relationships, um, because it's how you can be empathetic. Um, the Bible tells us in Romans chapter 12, verse 15, and, and what says, uh, you know, the part of this before this, this is where we really focus mourn with those who mourn. Well, yeah, you, you want, you show empathy in that way. But we tend to gloss over this. No, rejoice with those who rejoice. You know, those that are happy, celebrate with them, laugh with them. Diffuse the tension. Help them to, to see the good. It's very, very powerful. Um, you know, when someone can laugh with you, there's, there's just a connection there. You've connected on a more emotional level and become positively contagious, become positively contagious. You laughter you want it to be infectious in a good way. You want to be able to, you know, lighten the mood, help people see the good that it's okay, things are going to work out. I love, I absolutely love this story. In Genesis chapter 21, before we read verse six, lemme just tell you what, what's happened. The messenger tells, um, Abraham and Sarah that they're, they're going to have a baby. And you know, Sarah's old way past childbearing age, she just laughs. Now, God had promised Abraham that his descendants would be as many as there are, you know, grains of sand on, on the beach, and as many stars as there were in the skies. But Sheila laughs, well, you know, they make mistakes along the way. She didn't particular and thought, you know, this is not gonna happen, so I'll solve the problem. So she said, Hey, Abraham, you know, here's my maid servant. Um, maybe that's how God's gonna give us a child. What a disaster. But God fulfilled his promise and he gave them a child. She found herself being pregnant with a boy, and his name was Isaac. Do you know what Isaac means? He laughs. Look at what she said here in verse six of Genesis 21. Sarah said, God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me. And they name their son. He laughs. To me, that speaks very powerfully. I mean, again, you're gonna make mistakes in life. There are things that are gonna happen. You don't always make you know the best decision, but when you can laugh about it and trust and know God forgives you, he's not giving up on you because you have a relationship with him. You've, you've put your faith in Christ, you're following him. You believe that he died on the cross to pay for your sin. You believe that he rose from the dead, gave you eternal life, gives you purpose. Look, you're not gonna get it always right, but it's okay. God has a sense of humor. And that can be really a legacy in your life. Tell you, the first eye procedure that they did didn't fully work. So we go back, you know, for another procedure, and I made very sure to inform the doctor and the nurses. We are back here for a second surgery because my wife prayed for minimal recovery and God chose to answer her prayer over mine. And so I had the nurses laughing, the doctor laughing, the doctor, I found he's really not even a Christian, but I'm working on him. And, but you know, he, he lets me pray. You know, he's, he's, he's laughing and so forth, and I, I try to bring a smile to people's face, you know, wherever I go. And, and that's that sort of, sort of contagiousness of, of, of positivity that you can leave and make an impression on people. And I'm just telling you, um, I'm, I'm not always laughing, but I wanna live differently because I've seen the benefits. I wanna challenge you with some next steps. I'm gonna ask you to choose maybe one thing with someone in your family, uh, your spouse, you have a spouse, uh, could be a friend, but here, here are three options. Revisit a funny memory, revisit a funny memory. I'll tell you this, in dealing with the loss of our son, there's a lot of grief a lot of times the way Kim and I deal with that. When those things, memories, and so forth are triggered, we try to spin that positive. And we, we talk about the things that made us laugh and those situations incredibly powerful. Second option here is schedule silliness. Schedule silliness, have a good time. Do a day. Now, do do things that don't worry about what other people necessarily are thinking, but, but enjoy one another. And by all means, choose humor over hurt in a small moment because it is a choice. Here's what I wanna do. Lemme encourage you. If you're not certain that you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, you're not certain that you have solidified that by committing your life to him. I want to, I wanna encourage you to use that connection card. Either physically write it or digitally. I just wanna talk to someone. I, I I wanna know more about committing my life to Christ. I wanna know more about baptism. Whatever it is, we respect you. We're not gonna be pushy, but we're here to help. We wanna serve you. But I wanna pray for you in your relationships in these moments. And let me encourage you. Don't just be a here, but be a doer. Commit to following through on, on one of these things and see if it doesn't make a difference. Let's pray together. Or Jesus, I thank you that you love me. I thank you that you, you created me to be who I am. You created us. And God, I know that sometimes it's, it's hard to laugh, but I pray that we would see the, find the good, that we would see the humor in things. And, and God may, our homes, our families, our relationships be in environments of comfort and safety. God, I pray that you would break down tensions. I pray that you would bring restoration. I pray that Lord, in your name, that we would just lighten up to enjoy you first, but to truly enjoy one another. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.